Marriage and the Home

1. The purpose of marriage is not pleasure; rather, it is to establish a family, ensure the nation's permanency and continuation, save the individual from dispersed feelings and thoughts, and control physical pleasure. Just as with many other matters related to the basic nature that God has given to each being, pleasure is a payment made in advance to invite and encourage to marriage.

2. One should not marry for reasons of dress, wealth, or physical beauty; rather, marry for spiritual beauty, honor and morality, and virtue and character.

3. If a couple wishes to divorce, the most intelligent criteria are of no use to those who did not (or could not) get married for the correct reasons. The important thing is not to escape from the fire in the home with the least harm, but to prevent a fire from ever starting there.

4. Some marriages based on logic and judgment were initiated by taking refuge in God. They are so sacred that, throughout a lifetime, they function just like a school, and their "students" guarantee the nation's permanency and continuation.

5. Every union made in the name of marriage, but without careful thought, has left behind crying wives, orphans, and those who wound the family's heart.

6. The soundest foundation for a nation is a family in which material and spiritual happiness flows, for such a family serves as a sacred school that raises virtuous individuals. If a nation can make its homes as enlightened and prosperous as its schools, and its schools as warm as its homes, it has made the greatest reform and has guaranteed the contentment and happiness of future generations.

7. Nations are based on homes and individuals. If homes are good, the nation is good; if homes are bad, the nation is bad. If only those who want the best for the nation would first work to reform the homes!

8. The word home is used according to the people in it. They are considered happy to the degree that they share human values. Yes, we can say that people live humanly with those in their home; a home becomes a home because of its inhabitants.

9. A home is a small nation, and a nation is a large home. One who successfully manages a home and who has raised its members to a level of humanity can manage a large organization with a little effort.

10. A disorderly house means that its people are slovenly and unhappy. The dirtiness, disorder, and irregularity of houses, shops, and streets show the local officials' lack of sensitivity.

11. What is right is liked and esteemed even if defeated; what is unjust is loathsome and disliked even if victorious.

12. What is right is beautiful in character, and the one who is right is sweet. Even if the right falls into the mud, it remains pure and upright. Even if the unjust is washed with musk, it remains impure and disgusting.

13. Color and shape may change, but essence does not. Name and may change, but character does not. Such changes have, and continue to, fool many people.

14. Those who oppress the weak are defeated even if they are the victors; those who are right are victorious even if they are the losers. [Criteria or Lights of the Way, Izmir 1990, Vol.3, pp.88-93]

Marriage is based on intelligence and the spirit

If a believer is looking at his or her life partner from a different, egotistic viewpoint, it cannot be said that he or she is marrying for Islam. Marriage is not the purpose of life; it is a means to continue the human race. A Muslim is the representative of purity, sincerity, and an ideal. Something done for any motive other than obtaining God's approval cannot be viewed as Islamic. The main basis of the relationship between a man and woman is compassion and lifelong friendship. It's a friendship that doesn't include only this world, but the next life as well. Satisfying some desires is only a payment given in advance for this relationship in this world.

Marriage is based primarily on intelligence and the spirit. It is based on rationality and spiritual conformity or accord between the spouses, rather than on physical factors. Viewing marriage as an occasion or means to satisfy certain bodily desires ,and thereby presenting polygamy as an Islamic way for this, is a purposeful and most abominable misrepresentation of Islam.

Another point to mention in this respect is that at times some things come to the fore and others recede. Some commands can be abandoned for more important ones. In war there's no fasting, and while traveling prayer is shortened.

If polygamy is considered as a stain on Islam and causes people to turn away from Islam, a Muslim doesn't have the right to practice it. July 20-29, 1997

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